FUCK it.. wats the point

Whats the point when u keep doing the best at your part and nothing comes back, not even a sense of gratitude, not even a sense of humility.. i tolerated enuf, one more shot and your out.. all of your.. trust me on that!

Quit NOW!

Quitting starts today.. i am sick and tired of coughing so much, so much phlegm, the ashy taste in my mouth and the price of cigs and places to smoke next year.. once and for all.. i hate the quit then smoke then go back to quit to fail again.. ARGH!!
today lost the battles loads of times.. 9 sticks.. omg.

Long lost ambition re-discovered

Yesterday after slacking at coffee shop till no tmr, went to gym.. yea.. not alone though.. iggy wanted to go. lol.. sry to JC for borrowing your shoes for gym.. but i dun think i can pull it off like u do.. haha
did a streneous sets of exercise.. do not try this without a spotter or an experienced lifter..
Power clean with shoulder press; 4 sets 8 reps each
deadlifts; 4 sets 6 reps each
Squats; 4 sets of 10 each
and later iggy want to do bench.. wow.. haha
bench; 3 sets of 10 or less..
then damn shack alrdy.. go back do fyp.. which was like 10 min.. lol
thx juraimi for the inconvenient timeslot we came at, but it was worth it.. Security room checked man.. lock and loaded TaNak Production..

Love Once, Love Deep

When u came, i din noe
if it meant anything at all
First sight, something came
and i smiled not on the surface

We hit off, talked somemore
it didn't hurt that we had interests apart
we compromised, made time and yet
it still all fell apart

I told myself when i was young
crushes happens everywhere
but when i see a crush that reciprocrate
then i will leap right in both eyes closed

To love once to love hard
to give all i ever am and made to be
In with no regrets but here i stand
regretting why even we end up this way

The beautiful dream, the paradise
Whats left of it are thorns
thorns on a heart which pounds for u
only to realise the fire within u has faded

A heart which pounds nite and day
Finding someone else to fill the void
But everytime it reaches that
i take a knife and stab again

Friends should not bring friends down
they should keep bringing them up
and be there when they fall
But i dun want to fall

Everytime the void fails to be filled
Life fails to have a meaning
Life stops, not for me, but for the inner me
Life came when u were around, it stopped when u left

Existence is what i lived right now
dunno how long that will last
seeing it in this dark cave of mine
i am heading for a bottomless pit

"Friends"

Friends (dictionary)
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

a simple question, do we even lift up to the first 2 meanings of friend, usually we just lift up to the 3rd one and forget all about real people having problems..

CIG is my best friend as of now.. doesn't seem to disappoint me yet.

!@#$%^&*()_+

Whats the point.. it comes down to one thing, you dun care FULL STOP!!

Crazed Fanatic

Have i really changed.. i hope not.. even for the better, i dun want.. cuz better in man's perspective means harden up.. why be.. throw myself out there again. only not now.. after NS then.. lol

Disneyland in HK sucks.. Claressa word and reputation on it.. she visited all the DL in the world.. so yea.. take her word for it..

sucky lesson today.. not my idea, yet forced to present.. sighs..

filming, shy like fuck.. omg.. thanks to the 2 beau that MJ got..

sushi was also awkward still.. damn shy..

hopefully helped WG alrdy. hope things turns out better..

Lastly.. ppl pls dun be late tmr!!!!

Interested in New Song from the Academy

The MV very Chic flick.. lol.. Ryan all your fault ar!

One song about a girl
I can't breathe when I'm around her
I'll wait here everyday
In case she'll scratch the surface
She'll never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

Last night I knew what to say
But you weren't there to hear it
These lines so well rehearsed
Tongue tied and overloaded
You never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants
To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone...

Smitten yet again...

IT came again like it did the last time, dropped on my lap and started feeling warm.. but i guessed its not time yet.. maybe not ever to jump rite in again.. for a friend for myself its really not supposed to be done. Life's like that, deal with it, sometimes life through you a curve ball, you got to know how to bat it or u end up on the bench, watching life pass by again..
Time has faded, moments changed, even routines has changed, wat started out pure and genuine turns out cold and bitter, and even the person whos' responsible dunno about it.. haiz.. life is cool, life is cruel, but wateva it is, a man must be a man. a man must be unshaken by his belief, the reluctance for him to change, even when he knows he did wrong shows how steadfast he is, how grounded he is. my first wall has fallen, how much more times must walls fall for me to realise not everyone is willing give the time, commitment and care i can give, its a slot-machine, its a gamble, u never know what u get back then, so thus lotsa ppl pull out after being burnt, will i?

Song that brought back too many meaning

for those who hates or de-test christians, take the christianity out and it still apply.. dun worry i not emo.. just seems too nice to forgo in my head only

"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Broke the habit but...

Broke my 2day of smoke.. but yea.. the force is weak with this young one.. but had a great day of fun.. haha
Cousin time out and boy dope sia.
good food, good company with Jeannet and her bf.. hope i din spell that wrong Jean.. and sorry for forgetting your bf name..
oh and lan for dota after so long. VS still not bad ar... managed to farm all my items up in time.. but had to carry gem. damn sickening.. stupid SA.. lol
got owned by bots in BF2.. lol.. something i would really say i noob at.. lol.. step on ppl open mine sia.. lol
Oh Esplanade was having hang out with friends.. classics from the 70s and 80, include fly me to the moon, quando quando quando and others.. full crowd sia.. and a big group of screaming 13-17f fans.. lol
Found the dopest cigs in SG currently.. KENT.. dun believe go 7-11 and get the NEW packaging of KENT neo.. and exhale through your nose.. damn dope!! silky smooth.. lol- and no lingering taste.. haha
ok time for you all to check other blog.. sorry no re-link yet.. think is highly unnecessary. cuz ppl who visit my blog is like little..PLUS!! i can link your link back to your blog.. haha

Napfa Results

well well. final moment of truth.. napfa.. in my opinion not so well done..
sit-up- do to 44 then slack til 51 reps, too bored.. lol-5pts
sit and reach- hit 51 first try but i say like slanted the piece so re-take at 49cm-5 pts
standing broad-jump-252 then 270 but 2nd try mats shift.. sighs- 5pts
pull-ups- slack then do to 1 then drop.. dun even feel like struggling-5pts
shuttle run-slippery floor, making my worse timing in all my years of napfa, 10.6 on 2nd try- 2pts
2.4k-dunno how slow i ran..but confirm 11 min plus also.. cuz got no stamina, came in 7th.. sighs-2 pt
total- napfa silver onli.. sighs

Gossip Girl

Somehow after watching that show.. i find a new way to blog.. lol.. but for those who watch.. i try not to blog in that manner.. so bear with me on this article.. lol

Spotted E at Sch gg to emp.. guessed meeting S then. seems quite well dressed as a person today, seemingly have some stuff on, either playnow or hossan leong..hmmm..
Spotted E smoking out to eat, move on later to argora, definitely Playnow. seemingly had a great time i see.
Spotted Stampy beheaded in 3 diff colours, purple seems non original to the actual one, but black is nice.
Somehow black seems to made the owner of it sad, hopefully cleared it up tmr..
E went back and seemingly got MF.. hope shit wun happen then on issues E dun need now..
E adventure ends for today, hopefully something more fulfilling tmr.. AD seems to be missing.. probably partying on his 2nd performance.
later..
XOXO
Gossip GIrl

Change of plans.. and possibly blog add

Hey.. seemingly my new post has been a more cheerful one.. so expect it to somewhat stay this way.. ok big news.. i am no longer be a cheerleader by trait from this post on.. thus destroying my plan to gain strength which also destroy the reputation of a gym rat.. thus most likely changing add.. things have changed.. and somehow i got to talk it in my stride and as a man.. i must know that strength is definitely my number 1 contender of weakness in Spectrum and also somehow seems like i am an outcast.. so no point staying right.. i doubt they will read anyway.. but wateva it is .. time to move on again i guessed.. this last stretch in RP year has been a time of move on.. oh well..

long awaiting

back from dunno where.. blogging awhile again.. yea

oK.. 5 things on the agenda.. hope you peps understand.. yea

1) Shitty weird shit this passed few days on trying to change a certain lifestyle.. not wanting to put ppl on pedestal again.. yea.. been doing that since sec 2 and still live now to regret.. maybe its my character? who knows..

2) someone is with someone and that just made me slightly sad.. but wish the someone all the best..

3) viceroy sucks.. maybe a road of redemption to quitting

4) thinking of quitting cheer.. hope the final verdict comes to mind soon...

5) watched so much shows and found out a different thing.. a whole new perspective on man-female relationship and the shit that we can put ourselves through and yet still find happiness.. if the movies are just fantasy.. then i rather stay there..

oh yea.. lastly.. happy birthday to my 18 yr old cousin claressa on being 2 days older than 18.. lol.. great time of drink, smoke, ktv and talk.. now currently quite broke..

Woken Up, packing up

Something struck me.. what am i living for?
i know i will put a sensitive topic but somehow i know i met some objective by going through a painful de-tour.. a de-tour i have yet to recover from..
But it has given me a look on perfect love.. What is it?
Is being so patient with everything, not saying stuff just when u think it is prejudice, but rather wait it out, listen to everything, and whatever you do refuse to comment on touchy issues.
Perfect love is also supressing or releasing the stored up emotions so much in such a great extend it feels better, without affecting the people around you..
today no one was there.. no one.. but then it was also a time for me to know the truth... not in the face kind.. but quite inferred for me to know that its time. time to take flight and pack up.. time to leave..

Too much reasons to be sad

But.... i will stay happy
cuz it is the thing that will change me
be sad n smoke more?
be happy cant smoke more:)
logic actually but somehow took so long to hit my brain

Yes u heard it again.. i am trying to quit again
this time.. trying really hard
hitting gym, get games on PSP
buy sweets, and watever i can eat

then there is the most infamous question
Moved on already
Not yet.. but will just sit for time out
if it happens, it happens
if it dun, then ns lo.. yea

IYP pls go well
i dun want to have nothing to show again..
film hard core tmr yes

Not slping yet.. someone sad..

Like a kite

Like a kite on the ground,
waiting on the wind to come
so will i stay patiently
ever waiting for u..
even though u might not come
i will wait on
either till i got sick of waiting
and continued on
or i will be with u..

love ain't about being together
love means to be open to fall apart
and come back feeling the same again
nothing ventured nothing gained
sooner or later people will realize
either they gave too much and they should wait
and come back again giving more
or really they just have enough of fairytale
in this badly driven world.

Line of the Day

Sex tells u how long you will last.
*warning, do not attempt the act juz cuz its on, just let it come naturally*
Justification of 2 sides
1) if u BOTH enjoyed it and repeated it, it will last slightly longer than most
2) if u enjoyed it but she din, u got to re-evaluate who is maintaining it
3) if u feel bad after it, time to move on

Situation 1 ensures that both of your have the same look and treatment towards the important topic of the day, viewpoint of SEX. this comes from your personality and how you were brought up, what edifies you and what doesn't, BUT 2 people can still love the act for 2 different reason, eg. a guy who is deprived of physical touch from young and a sex fiend whose mum taught her in too early childhood on sexual topics so she does not become a victim..

Situation 2 shows how one side seems more over-caring than the other, thus meaning that one loves more and the other just slack and hope everything goes smoothly, when the rough patches hit, he/she is the first one to bail out.

Situation 3 shows that if u are the victim of it, then seriously consider this, how are you gg to face him/her when you both get married and want to have kids.. u will feel you put too much pressure on her to want kids or to him too much responsibility of becoming a dad, then forget it.. get out of it..

This topic was introduced and brought up by my director shaggy:P Comments are my thoughts though.. lol

Busy Bumble Bubble Bee

This week was wicked and i love it!! Spectrum training put on hold.. just in time for holidays to complete works from school for portfolio
1) G302 FYP a hit man! the shoot was good, though we were like shagged out by 430am.. No puns shaggy:P
2) following that, Great Eastern woman 10k run.. was a damn good experience, seeing exactly what can screw up in a run this huge and also all the time frame and shoot, and since they never hire me as photographer, its up to my own discretion to sent them how many pictures i want.. hahahahaha.. rest of them.. portfolio man!!
3) PlayNow better start now or else no time. haha.. hope can get equipment on wed.. if not use my own FYP group equipment.. but must ask boss first..
4) Shooting for IYP re-branding short video.. must do soon. the one alot of work.. shoot, edit, then crop frame by frame out and add in stop motion of the Mascot.. yea.. alot alot of work!!!
Hope everyone is doing well, hope everyone is fine.. cuz at the end of the day life is all about you..
U decide how bad it will go, u decide how well it went!
(is it just me or is it godsend, when a simple tot of not gg home without anything to do, then friends appear, out of nowhere from 2 different groups.. definitely brighten up my late night home from no sleep the night before!