FUCK it.. wats the point

Whats the point when u keep doing the best at your part and nothing comes back, not even a sense of gratitude, not even a sense of humility.. i tolerated enuf, one more shot and your out.. all of your.. trust me on that!

Quit NOW!

Quitting starts today.. i am sick and tired of coughing so much, so much phlegm, the ashy taste in my mouth and the price of cigs and places to smoke next year.. once and for all.. i hate the quit then smoke then go back to quit to fail again.. ARGH!!
today lost the battles loads of times.. 9 sticks.. omg.

Long lost ambition re-discovered

Yesterday after slacking at coffee shop till no tmr, went to gym.. yea.. not alone though.. iggy wanted to go. lol.. sry to JC for borrowing your shoes for gym.. but i dun think i can pull it off like u do.. haha
did a streneous sets of exercise.. do not try this without a spotter or an experienced lifter..
Power clean with shoulder press; 4 sets 8 reps each
deadlifts; 4 sets 6 reps each
Squats; 4 sets of 10 each
and later iggy want to do bench.. wow.. haha
bench; 3 sets of 10 or less..
then damn shack alrdy.. go back do fyp.. which was like 10 min.. lol
thx juraimi for the inconvenient timeslot we came at, but it was worth it.. Security room checked man.. lock and loaded TaNak Production..

Love Once, Love Deep

When u came, i din noe
if it meant anything at all
First sight, something came
and i smiled not on the surface

We hit off, talked somemore
it didn't hurt that we had interests apart
we compromised, made time and yet
it still all fell apart

I told myself when i was young
crushes happens everywhere
but when i see a crush that reciprocrate
then i will leap right in both eyes closed

To love once to love hard
to give all i ever am and made to be
In with no regrets but here i stand
regretting why even we end up this way

The beautiful dream, the paradise
Whats left of it are thorns
thorns on a heart which pounds for u
only to realise the fire within u has faded

A heart which pounds nite and day
Finding someone else to fill the void
But everytime it reaches that
i take a knife and stab again

Friends should not bring friends down
they should keep bringing them up
and be there when they fall
But i dun want to fall

Everytime the void fails to be filled
Life fails to have a meaning
Life stops, not for me, but for the inner me
Life came when u were around, it stopped when u left

Existence is what i lived right now
dunno how long that will last
seeing it in this dark cave of mine
i am heading for a bottomless pit

"Friends"

Friends (dictionary)
1. a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

2.	a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter: friends of the Boston Symphony.

3.	a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?

a simple question, do we even lift up to the first 2 meanings of friend, usually we just lift up to the 3rd one and forget all about real people having problems..

CIG is my best friend as of now.. doesn't seem to disappoint me yet.

!@#$%^&*()_+

Whats the point.. it comes down to one thing, you dun care FULL STOP!!

Crazed Fanatic

Have i really changed.. i hope not.. even for the better, i dun want.. cuz better in man's perspective means harden up.. why be.. throw myself out there again. only not now.. after NS then.. lol

Disneyland in HK sucks.. Claressa word and reputation on it.. she visited all the DL in the world.. so yea.. take her word for it..

sucky lesson today.. not my idea, yet forced to present.. sighs..

filming, shy like fuck.. omg.. thanks to the 2 beau that MJ got..

sushi was also awkward still.. damn shy..

hopefully helped WG alrdy. hope things turns out better..

Lastly.. ppl pls dun be late tmr!!!!

Interested in New Song from the Academy

The MV very Chic flick.. lol.. Ryan all your fault ar!

One song about a girl
I can't breathe when I'm around her
I'll wait here everyday
In case she'll scratch the surface
She'll never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

Last night I knew what to say
But you weren't there to hear it
These lines so well rehearsed
Tongue tied and overloaded
You never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl

To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants
To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone...

Smitten yet again...

IT came again like it did the last time, dropped on my lap and started feeling warm.. but i guessed its not time yet.. maybe not ever to jump rite in again.. for a friend for myself its really not supposed to be done. Life's like that, deal with it, sometimes life through you a curve ball, you got to know how to bat it or u end up on the bench, watching life pass by again..
Time has faded, moments changed, even routines has changed, wat started out pure and genuine turns out cold and bitter, and even the person whos' responsible dunno about it.. haiz.. life is cool, life is cruel, but wateva it is, a man must be a man. a man must be unshaken by his belief, the reluctance for him to change, even when he knows he did wrong shows how steadfast he is, how grounded he is. my first wall has fallen, how much more times must walls fall for me to realise not everyone is willing give the time, commitment and care i can give, its a slot-machine, its a gamble, u never know what u get back then, so thus lotsa ppl pull out after being burnt, will i?

Song that brought back too many meaning

for those who hates or de-test christians, take the christianity out and it still apply.. dun worry i not emo.. just seems too nice to forgo in my head only

"Stained Glass Masquerade"

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Broke the habit but...

Broke my 2day of smoke.. but yea.. the force is weak with this young one.. but had a great day of fun.. haha
Cousin time out and boy dope sia.
good food, good company with Jeannet and her bf.. hope i din spell that wrong Jean.. and sorry for forgetting your bf name..
oh and lan for dota after so long. VS still not bad ar... managed to farm all my items up in time.. but had to carry gem. damn sickening.. stupid SA.. lol
got owned by bots in BF2.. lol.. something i would really say i noob at.. lol.. step on ppl open mine sia.. lol
Oh Esplanade was having hang out with friends.. classics from the 70s and 80, include fly me to the moon, quando quando quando and others.. full crowd sia.. and a big group of screaming 13-17f fans.. lol
Found the dopest cigs in SG currently.. KENT.. dun believe go 7-11 and get the NEW packaging of KENT neo.. and exhale through your nose.. damn dope!! silky smooth.. lol- and no lingering taste.. haha
ok time for you all to check other blog.. sorry no re-link yet.. think is highly unnecessary. cuz ppl who visit my blog is like little..PLUS!! i can link your link back to your blog.. haha

Napfa Results

well well. final moment of truth.. napfa.. in my opinion not so well done..
sit-up- do to 44 then slack til 51 reps, too bored.. lol-5pts
sit and reach- hit 51 first try but i say like slanted the piece so re-take at 49cm-5 pts
standing broad-jump-252 then 270 but 2nd try mats shift.. sighs- 5pts
pull-ups- slack then do to 1 then drop.. dun even feel like struggling-5pts
shuttle run-slippery floor, making my worse timing in all my years of napfa, 10.6 on 2nd try- 2pts
2.4k-dunno how slow i ran..but confirm 11 min plus also.. cuz got no stamina, came in 7th.. sighs-2 pt
total- napfa silver onli.. sighs

Gossip Girl

Somehow after watching that show.. i find a new way to blog.. lol.. but for those who watch.. i try not to blog in that manner.. so bear with me on this article.. lol

Spotted E at Sch gg to emp.. guessed meeting S then. seems quite well dressed as a person today, seemingly have some stuff on, either playnow or hossan leong..hmmm..
Spotted E smoking out to eat, move on later to argora, definitely Playnow. seemingly had a great time i see.
Spotted Stampy beheaded in 3 diff colours, purple seems non original to the actual one, but black is nice.
Somehow black seems to made the owner of it sad, hopefully cleared it up tmr..
E went back and seemingly got MF.. hope shit wun happen then on issues E dun need now..
E adventure ends for today, hopefully something more fulfilling tmr.. AD seems to be missing.. probably partying on his 2nd performance.
later..
XOXO
Gossip GIrl

Change of plans.. and possibly blog add

Hey.. seemingly my new post has been a more cheerful one.. so expect it to somewhat stay this way.. ok big news.. i am no longer be a cheerleader by trait from this post on.. thus destroying my plan to gain strength which also destroy the reputation of a gym rat.. thus most likely changing add.. things have changed.. and somehow i got to talk it in my stride and as a man.. i must know that strength is definitely my number 1 contender of weakness in Spectrum and also somehow seems like i am an outcast.. so no point staying right.. i doubt they will read anyway.. but wateva it is .. time to move on again i guessed.. this last stretch in RP year has been a time of move on.. oh well..

long awaiting

back from dunno where.. blogging awhile again.. yea

oK.. 5 things on the agenda.. hope you peps understand.. yea

1) Shitty weird shit this passed few days on trying to change a certain lifestyle.. not wanting to put ppl on pedestal again.. yea.. been doing that since sec 2 and still live now to regret.. maybe its my character? who knows..

2) someone is with someone and that just made me slightly sad.. but wish the someone all the best..

3) viceroy sucks.. maybe a road of redemption to quitting

4) thinking of quitting cheer.. hope the final verdict comes to mind soon...

5) watched so much shows and found out a different thing.. a whole new perspective on man-female relationship and the shit that we can put ourselves through and yet still find happiness.. if the movies are just fantasy.. then i rather stay there..

oh yea.. lastly.. happy birthday to my 18 yr old cousin claressa on being 2 days older than 18.. lol.. great time of drink, smoke, ktv and talk.. now currently quite broke..

Woken Up, packing up

Something struck me.. what am i living for?
i know i will put a sensitive topic but somehow i know i met some objective by going through a painful de-tour.. a de-tour i have yet to recover from..
But it has given me a look on perfect love.. What is it?
Is being so patient with everything, not saying stuff just when u think it is prejudice, but rather wait it out, listen to everything, and whatever you do refuse to comment on touchy issues.
Perfect love is also supressing or releasing the stored up emotions so much in such a great extend it feels better, without affecting the people around you..
today no one was there.. no one.. but then it was also a time for me to know the truth... not in the face kind.. but quite inferred for me to know that its time. time to take flight and pack up.. time to leave..

Too much reasons to be sad

But.... i will stay happy
cuz it is the thing that will change me
be sad n smoke more?
be happy cant smoke more:)
logic actually but somehow took so long to hit my brain

Yes u heard it again.. i am trying to quit again
this time.. trying really hard
hitting gym, get games on PSP
buy sweets, and watever i can eat

then there is the most infamous question
Moved on already
Not yet.. but will just sit for time out
if it happens, it happens
if it dun, then ns lo.. yea

IYP pls go well
i dun want to have nothing to show again..
film hard core tmr yes

Not slping yet.. someone sad..

Like a kite

Like a kite on the ground,
waiting on the wind to come
so will i stay patiently
ever waiting for u..
even though u might not come
i will wait on
either till i got sick of waiting
and continued on
or i will be with u..

love ain't about being together
love means to be open to fall apart
and come back feeling the same again
nothing ventured nothing gained
sooner or later people will realize
either they gave too much and they should wait
and come back again giving more
or really they just have enough of fairytale
in this badly driven world.

Line of the Day

Sex tells u how long you will last.
*warning, do not attempt the act juz cuz its on, just let it come naturally*
Justification of 2 sides
1) if u BOTH enjoyed it and repeated it, it will last slightly longer than most
2) if u enjoyed it but she din, u got to re-evaluate who is maintaining it
3) if u feel bad after it, time to move on

Situation 1 ensures that both of your have the same look and treatment towards the important topic of the day, viewpoint of SEX. this comes from your personality and how you were brought up, what edifies you and what doesn't, BUT 2 people can still love the act for 2 different reason, eg. a guy who is deprived of physical touch from young and a sex fiend whose mum taught her in too early childhood on sexual topics so she does not become a victim..

Situation 2 shows how one side seems more over-caring than the other, thus meaning that one loves more and the other just slack and hope everything goes smoothly, when the rough patches hit, he/she is the first one to bail out.

Situation 3 shows that if u are the victim of it, then seriously consider this, how are you gg to face him/her when you both get married and want to have kids.. u will feel you put too much pressure on her to want kids or to him too much responsibility of becoming a dad, then forget it.. get out of it..

This topic was introduced and brought up by my director shaggy:P Comments are my thoughts though.. lol

Busy Bumble Bubble Bee

This week was wicked and i love it!! Spectrum training put on hold.. just in time for holidays to complete works from school for portfolio
1) G302 FYP a hit man! the shoot was good, though we were like shagged out by 430am.. No puns shaggy:P
2) following that, Great Eastern woman 10k run.. was a damn good experience, seeing exactly what can screw up in a run this huge and also all the time frame and shoot, and since they never hire me as photographer, its up to my own discretion to sent them how many pictures i want.. hahahahaha.. rest of them.. portfolio man!!
3) PlayNow better start now or else no time. haha.. hope can get equipment on wed.. if not use my own FYP group equipment.. but must ask boss first..
4) Shooting for IYP re-branding short video.. must do soon. the one alot of work.. shoot, edit, then crop frame by frame out and add in stop motion of the Mascot.. yea.. alot alot of work!!!
Hope everyone is doing well, hope everyone is fine.. cuz at the end of the day life is all about you..
U decide how bad it will go, u decide how well it went!
(is it just me or is it godsend, when a simple tot of not gg home without anything to do, then friends appear, out of nowhere from 2 different groups.. definitely brighten up my late night home from no sleep the night before!

Found it back..

my blog reminded me what is really important to me. shit can happens, people may come and go, people may disappoint.. but u cant disappoint yourself. cuz that's the saddest thing u can do..
Gym- an appreciation of how i would grow bigger/nicer and also so i can do stuff i really want.. like a toss-up.. way passed my dateline.. cuz never build
cheer- the spirit to get ppl hyped up for no apparent reason until proven that there's a reason to be happy about, reminds people about nutty people just gathering for a simple goal, to do stunts, entertain the crowd with songs, dance and cheer (hopefully).
tmr morning gym.. then see where life leads.. cuz at 4pm gg sch to settle script for playnow..

reformated laptop.. now fast so happi;)

Found an entertainment

Ok back from relaxing weekend and a stressful friday..
1) am in PlayNow 2008.. visit Playnow2008.blogspot.com for more information on this competition.
2) done with the script for playnow.. now waiting to compare and see if my script sticks
3) found an online game finally!!! yippie.. its called requiem bloodymare, M18 content due to gore and explicit violence. damn nice.. hope it wil be too when i play it.. join me if u want :P (pls?) http://www.playrequiem.com/Index.aspx
4) going to reformat laptop tmr before installing so can free up space and get rid of shit viruses.
5) Submitting NS letter to get medical check-up.. or else fine 75k.. no joke.

i am out of the running for u

life was going bad before u came along
u showered me with love, affection and care
this is more than an emo song
of wanting u back in my life
is a string on a finger to nv trust love again

Love brought us high, love brought me back down
deeper than the darkest pits of hell
love shine like the sun so bright
and pattered down like the rain so kind
but all good things had an end
only that it ended when i think it should not end
sooner or late you will see
love has taken its toil on me

Many i have laid eyes on but never say
for the fear that i won't be good enough someday
well this moment came and i said those 4 little words
i love you so was what i said
from then till now it does not change
but why does cupid deal me an poison blow
to leave on it and never let it go
for better or for worse i know myself
but only with you my life seems fine compared to hell

when u did that single step
i told myself i won't turn back
to wait for you was what i say
but now the words has flown away
is it just me or am i insane

first few months was hard as hell
hot iron burning my skins and cells
everything wants you back
and even though i tried i never got you back

few months passed and our roads collide
seeing u walking with another guy
my heart shattered to the ground
and all of this, without a sound
i didn't complain i didn't like
to make u think you are my wife
cause at the end i always know
Loving someone is letting go

i took on a manequin masquerade
to mask my pain and stay the same
but at the end of the day we will see
if my love for u will remain
all the way to the end of the age

Life really sucks big time now
with a cold hard world i'm back in
i missed the warmth and sweet embrace
but knowing it i will hardly change
my selfish ways my lustful taste
cause somehow i think i grew up this way

found a "friend" called a pack
the bitter sting that this friend gives
change my dreams and warped my dreams
of wanting a family to settle down again

this i leave now this emo line
don't wait at all for time to come by
once is here and there is gone
forever and ever i love u so.

about me

Gemini- the best of 2 worlds in one person but comes on too strong for both sides. believes in hardwork paying off and being rewarded with what the give out which is ALWAYS not true for them, thus they end up screwing themselves over for doing good to others but given back bullshit as trade.

didn't get idea across today during mid-point to other team-mates, seems other ideas were better.. hmm.. wat to do.. this is out of my hands.. i can only trust and believe, do no thinking unless asked to.

met ariel and ym after sch accidentally... happy about it but sad cuz cant mingle with them.. but if i did.. i will like be a huge ass lightbulb.. 2 times liao..

watching heroes, prison break 4, house m.d. 5, big bang theory & naruto... got back my old phone.. yes ar!

still no passion to cheer.. even though i gave it everything i have.. helped ppl.. but MOST of the times.. help doesn't come back..

Failed as a man, Failed as a cheerleader

Life sucks now.. cuz its always in me to help others.. ppl are on earth to do precisely that, help ppl and be helped. look at industries as examples, ppl help each other and give money as "incentives" to them for gratitude of help..
Cheerleading: a sport highly based on trust, ability and teamwork in order to come out with a stunning routine or performance to hype up a crowd or to bring joy to people's life. the lifestyle that is led is to cheer people up in the squad as each member of the squad is a solid foundation of the team and without anyone of us, it is doomed to failure.

So thus, it seems like since i cant help ppl. why continue on in this arena of interest.. sighs..

I still do..

even though the setting seemed right,
the time seemed to stop
but i could not bring myself to do it..
let bygones be bygones
and the present be your present
the 3 words i have to say
is that i still do

i still do now
i still do then
i still care for you every single day
i still worry
i still wait
waiting for the day for your warm embrace
i miss u..

2 main status

1) a damn big ulcer that is literally sucking the life's happiness out of me.. Food, smoke, talk, drink.. anything. its sucks the whole life out of me..
2) 3 words: i still do...

Angel sent to help

been a help to ppl nowadays.. first a break-up and now.. ppl quitting due to commitment..
People are all alone
waiting for others to come by
so then will it help
that u have your stand
to make them stay
or to make a choice for them

Sooner or later
u will realize
choosing the best
is still the best

seeing them leave makes u cry
telling them to hang on seems so hard
when will it be that people will know
that when u need them there
they moved on, they left what paradise is left
but it is just human to move on, to move on


Life begins innocent
but society made it complicated
with one line, what do i stand to gain
by the time u said this, u are in the world
asking others the same question
and never wanting to give back

is it childish for one to know that
u could help but u didn't
cuz you stand nothing to gain?
when at the end u end up broken-hearted
and tired from making people's life paradise.

2 days update

ok sorry about not updating daily as usual.. new habit very hard to break into..
Tue sch: have training after sch but before we go there.. smt happened..
Last-Lampost Production (consisting of tim, angus, faisal and me are embarking on playnow 2008 despite FYP) hopefully everything go swee swee and they dun nonsense nonsense chu pattern give damn hard or hard to work with themes. so saying that, tim, angus and faisal total owe me money for the registration fees. hahaha.lol
Training: Rexaz training was ok.. they trying for try-outs soon le.. everyone all the best.. anything ask your seniors.. yea.. use me when i on mats can.. or else i like flower vase leh.. haha.. chair, liberty.. things nv do sooooooo long still can do.. damn happy.. haha.. and yes.. toss got improve.. haha.. now flyer leg just slightly above shoulder.. yay.. 1 more week.. haha

Wed.. Gym and slack.. trained shoulders..cuz then can toss higher.. yes.. so train till like quite aching but now ok.. so equals tmr confirm pain.. haha..and oh yea.. i went to sch.. for er.... nothing.. lol.. then all of a sudden YM jump on me.. i chua sai.. they say he and ariel going watch movie.. then i like but i lightbulb leh.. but still went.. the show ok la.. for singapore filming standard.. watch painted skin.. support singapore creation.. ok need to rest le.. or else shoulder wun develop.. haha..take care all.. peace out.. cheer out!!

Things to add

Random stuff first..
1) saw a super old news report on how England got their birth rate up due to IVP
Thought: there's a percentage of ppl who will accept anything when it comes to something new, and thus confirm will have improvement to their own general traits; eg. new intel technology, new gaming experiences.
2) hotmail website not working for me? pls tell me how to de-bug.. click anything also wun respond.
3)downloaded a lot of techno songs.. time to upgrade songs in hard drive.. muhahahaha
4) Training paid off.. 2 days of heck alot of pain.. but can do almost a toss-up le.. now at shoulder level the flyer legs.
4) no longer using the word gym-ratting. coined this from ppl training like animal in the gym, being as greedy as a rat when it comes to piling up.. changed to gym-anting.. cuz ants can lift a heck lot more compared to their own weight.. think 300 times.. haha
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok moving on.. now to talk about training today. damn no kick.. shoulder stand.. throw me any flyer also no kick.. got basics le.. elevator.. back-spot all the way.. lol. only toss up got kick.. cuz my powerlifting paid off.. haha.. yippie.. looking forward to tmr chicken rice.. yum yum.. haha

Someone birthday coming up.. lol.. but must keep secret.. dun let her know.. or else spoiler.. lol

Train train train.. F=ma, when F=force, m=mass & a=acceleration.. mass is constant.. force needed is inversely related to how fast u accelerate.. meaning how fast and powerful my toss is.. lol:)

damn boring day besides this today.. yea.. hope everyone have a good night rest and enjoy their life.. dun no life ok. and dun too bored.. too bored call me.. dun even bother with facebook.. facebook for classroom use only.. ahah

Forget and be forgotten

just rejected a job offer from like 2 weeks ago. ash seems like a nice person but somehow i got this gut feeling of not trusting his confidence in his work.. might be cuz i kanna a few times by ppl who "appear" friendly but apparently in it only for the money.. hmmm. yea rejected the offer.. now hunting again.. and damn tired.. by gym, by thinking by alot of things. argh!

Gym and sleep.

Woke up.. eat went gym.
power-lifted today.. quite proud of myself and commitment. want to give up still say must finish at least 3 exercise then go.. yeah.. damn exhausting doing it, but hope it pay off to the toss up later on.
did squads too, but damn it, did it before power-lift so not so much strength left, but hit back the last weight i used which is like a pathetic 8.75 each side.. wth.. and my deadlifts drop weight too.. from 35 to 25.. sighs.
overall, exhausted.. supposed to meet cousin but my phone is with my mother.. and my sim card with me. so if i dun like reply and shit.. u all know why.. take care all.. dun end up like me.

huge sighs

Too much happen.. and sick of bad stuff happening.. all my fault
1) friend started smoking
2) i went back smoking
3) i "gambled" abit from nothing
4) i drank beer
5) i skipped gym twice
6) i dunno which squad i should be in
7) i haven been there for my friends
8) i nv post for 2 days
9) i wasted alot of money
10) i keep coming home late..

SIGHS!

Slack day before intensive training tomorrow

Nice day today.. dunno about the grade for today though.. to slack le.. should give the credit to brandon.. yea. Bulking starts today but i almost destroy everything.. later on you will know why.
Woke up at 715.. shit late!! chiong rush to sch. reach quite ok time 815. mrt fast. so decided to install my razer mouse.. haha. but now click on desktop icon like got problem. shit.. ok reached class.. shannon not coming sch.. so no D&D after sch.. IM ppl to talk to, today problem somewhat got me pondering.. what is a creative design company which u are supposed to come up designs for going to grade your work.. functionality or creativity.. hmmm.. so din give my 100% in class.. sry.
Ok after a while.. found out godsis smoking.. thoroughly devastated.. sighs.. somemore twice today.. even bigger sighs.. then i realised i really need to be there for her in this trying time.. so meeting her tmr for first breakout. hopefully she and i wun smoke.. yea
today.. met Her and passed her heroes and chocolate.. hope i brighten up your day.. and hope its not so pain anymore. so after sch wanted to meet godsis.. she alrdy wanted to shisha today.. (dunno how to spell).. and then luckily she canceled.. but in the course of it.. i was tempted.. loads of time to want to smoke again. argh!! its not the friends around me.. its my own fault that i cant hold back..!@#$%&*()_+! yes! then lucky for me.. got mickey purposedly suan me so i stop taking cigarette from him.. thanks man. thanks for slapping me with your suan when it means that much to me.. so ate alot today. then chest pain.. (smile of satisfaction). so went for training and did alot.. i think
today got pt... i was like. why destroy my gym training sia... i trained so hard come here spoil training only.. yea.. but never mind..it was worth it.. did chair, shoulder-stand which i am damn proud of.. cuz its nice and damn stable even with new flyers:) next try like 3 flyers for toss up.. trying to improve ar. but think yu-ting so far is the best for my toss-up.. Hoping for toss-hands by end of the month.. lol. dunno.. see first.. so after that went home and grabbed a drink cuz damn thirsty and saw an sms for a job.. which i cant make it to the interview tmr.. thanks ash whoever u are for being so understanding.. even sms me at like 11 sia... hope the job suits me and i can excel so can earn money.. lol..
time to sleep.. time to rebuild muscles for chest and also for an overall good first day start to bulking..

Disappointment & happiness

Sry about not updating my blog yesterday night and also for not changing the skin.. SHIT la.. Yeah.. will try to change it this weekend if possible.. ok moving on to updates
Gym for chest but on thurs.. din even feel a slight ache.. shit.. caution.. might gym on using the wrong technique and muscle groups.. DIE! ok then realli WANTED to go school watch show with someone and ask for her comment on how my blog layout should be but sh cant.. cuz of personal reasons.. yea.. But nvm.. got to play mahjong.. in which i lost only 1.50.. thats like the record low for me.. the least i ever lost.. lol
Ok.. i promised.. i will change blogskins and wat nots on weekends.. and someone could be there to give me suggestions.. i noob at HTML ar..

Big Upgrades tmr and slightly slack day today

Woke up.. realised it was too early for a tue which just happens to be a holiday for me.. lol.. woke up at 4 ma.. went back sleep after like downing 2 cups of water, stay asleep till like 930 max.. cant squeeze my eyelids anymore.. then woke up.. prepare for sentosa..
reach there.. CB.. rain.. till like 2plus.. but luckily got warm up a bit le.. then played in perfect condition sand.. compacted sand by rain and a sunny afternoon for the tan.. BUT.. no good lvl 7-10 players. all like lvl 4 to 5 sia.. BUT still we manage to observe a serve from what we perceive as an ex or current volleyball player..damn pro the couple and yeah.. din get a chance to play with them cuz some NS man hogging them.. lol..
went back to RP, trained with rexaz.. was cool to see familiar faces and being able to exhaustively give back what i have learnt. yea
Tomo blog re-vamp if got time, gym for chest and then sleep.. BORING!!
my parents problems still not solved, cuz even though they apologise, its a habit that will repeat itself over and over again.. sighs

Wrong value system

the fucking family of mine is so screwed up its even worse than being in hell. what is to be treasured more, my health when i picked up smoking and they found out versus me lending the guitar i made with my own money from doing a job through cheerleading. which is more important and should kick up a fuss over?
sorry my parents chose the second.. and its going on from the time i am back till now.. my dad loves to disown me, wow i am so happy not to be part of this family anymore.. so much responsibility no space to do my shit and always focus on the wrong shit!!(PS. all the word FUCK is replaced with shit for a more decent phrase of speech). parents are still shitting talking about how i spend more money than my "brother" and say that i treat them like fairies, come to them only when money is concerned, yea yea.. gone were the days where they praised me, oh wait that never happen.. it's always how shitty u are, how u dun match up to people. how this Dip in New Media is nothing compared to Dip in IT and Dip in Business Application.. can tang jia. this is my life, screw u who act so high and mighty, i have grown wings and can fly but i dun desert my parents, not if logic applies, but this is so wrong it screws my mind. SHIT!!

Back training & F1

Back training in the morning..
Bent over roll, no kick think cuz no form.. or too light.. onli 8.25 each side..
Pull-ups, damn little.. cuz not using tricep.. which are destroyed at the moment.. ouch.
deadlift, damn upset... drop from 35 each side to 28 each side only. but still quite high ar.. lol
T-bar row, improve from 25 to 27.5.. wohoo.. haha

Went to facial.. damn bloody pain.. and later after 2hours plus, my face like kanna sting by mosquitoes.. argh!!

Next, went to meet cousin claressa at heeren.. NUM got sales today. for those of your who missed it.. too bad.. 20% off storewide.. haha.. still aiming for other things besides NUM shirt, except maybe havianas, which i saw 2 hunks carrying as backpacks which are slippers that are made out of float materials.. yucks...

back to cousin's house to watch F1.. super fun..actually fan of ferarri but since they chui today.. wat to do.. must be the road.. but the lighting and video coverage was up to standard.. keep it up!!

Stop smoking officially today.. actualli took 3 sticks then threw the new pack i bought away.. cuz time to bulk.. not smoke.

Rexaz & Wildcards visit

Today, woke up nothing to do, went to sch..
then realised rexaz got training.. go check it out. What do u know.. gary and candice is there. lol.. like rexaz junior reunion. nvm.. was fun, training with the only pressure to excel, feels good to have some experience.. lol..
then it was good-bye and hello wildcards.. unbeliveable.. they train sooooo near my grandma house.. lol...anyway.. was fun training with so many pros around.. and with yu-ting to keep me from going into emo mode cuz everyone there like together one clique. it was fruitful.. finally know whats the problem i have with toss up... not yet hands ar so cant put toss up hands... :P but still it was fun stunting besides ppl like vincent and chaang which shown enuf patience for a noob like me who cant toss for nuts.. lol and assisting my toss till my technique correct... and then lets not forget the ppl who willingly sacrifice themselves for the sake of my improvement, ruth and yu-ting.. thank you all so much for being there and "readily" available for stunting purposes. haha..
time to bulk up,shape up and cheer on!! JY to all cheerleaders in SG, whoever that read this that is:P